Thigh Biscuits

Biscuits

Yesterday I was in the hospital bathroom (in Gary’s room) and my fat thigh busted out the toilet paper holder like a can of Pillsbury biscuits. I started to laugh so hard I tooted and then I started laughing more. I yelled out to Gary, “My farts are so powerful I blew the toilet paper holder to pieces!” Followed by a long, loud laugh.

I stopped laughing just in time to hear a voice that wasn’t Gary’s…when I walked out of the bathroom there standing in a u-shape were all of the doctors and nurses going over everything needed for Gary’s chemo. 😂

Eh, it’s life. If you can’t cry, laugh! Hmmmm biscuits sound good.

Portions Shmortions!

Portions

I will say this…portion control is the fat person’s chastity belt.

It’s cruel, it’s mean and it’s something that I have struggled with for a long time.

Until now.

My friend Christy started on a program where she learned about portion control and how to eat right. When I saw her latest Facebook posting of her before and after picture I quickly messaged her to find out what her secret was. When she first mentioned  “Take Shape For Life”, I was thrilled at the idea of drinking milk shakes for the rest of my life. She quickly spelled out S-H-A-P-E not shakes and sent me to her website.

I scrolled through the website. I read the articles. But the proof I needed was that my friend, who I had known for several years, had taken back control. She wasn’t selling me anything. She wasn’t pushy and demanding. She was just simply Christy, minus (at that time) about 80 pounds.

I signed up for the program and I waited for my box of chocolate happiness to arrive. I explained to Christy that there might be a good chance that I would eat all of the boxes of chocolate bars within the first few days and could possibly die of my rectum bursting from constipation. She laughed and simply told me to print out the articles and read them over the weekend. For some men the article titled, “Lean Shrinkage Chart”  might make them squirm for a moment. However, the information is great and easily accessible.

I am happy to say I made it through the first week on Take Shape For Life, and survived eating the bars without my rectum exploding. I’m down 12 pounds which is really a no brainer since I’m cutting back my freak show way of eating and pounding more water than Niagra Falls.

Thank you Christy for being so brave in telling your story and inspiring change!

More posts and pictures to follow…

 

 

 

 

Need Inspiration?

While learning new and healthy ways of eating, I came across this amazing gadget called the Paderno Spiralizer at Williams Sonoma. It was if I had just brought home a new born baby. I cried with excitement, then I carefully removed the spiralizer from the box and cleaned each piece. (Okay I didn’t really cry, but I would think people cry a lot when they bring home a newborn.)

Anyhow, I searched Pinterest for several Spiralizer recipes and started on my spiralizing journey to healthy eating and weight loss. In one week of eating “Zoodles” instead of regular pasta, I dropped a pant size and had more energy.

Some of you may think this is old news, but for a newbie such as myself, I wanted to share my new found love.

Sorry pasta but we’re breaking up for good! 🙂

Inspiralization

Giving Up Flour & Sugar Is Ruff!

Flour

Over the past several years I have written about my different experiences with eating certain foods, blending smoothies and cutting out carbs. It’s been interesting to try a specific way of eating to see how my body would or would not react to it.

Now after a lot of trials and errors (ha) and working with my awesome doctor, I think we have found the best approach for me. There are so many different diets out there like Ketogenic, Paleo, Atkins, etc. Everyone has their own success by doing what works best for them. So we have taken little bits from each way of eating and worked it into something that I am able to live with… so far.

One of the main ingredients that I have removed from my food list is flour and sugar. Now you might be thinking the same thing I thought, “Duh, it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.” However, I didn’t expect how quickly I would see results just by reducing or eliminating those two ingredients. I have also learned how to read labels which is something I never really did. I was shocked to see how many carbs are in a single piece of gum.

Check back often as I will continue to post updates, recipes, and random tricks that I continue to learn along the way.

About the photo above – My friend sent me a picture of her two dogs with the following note attached: “They ate an entire package of cinnamon apple bread mix, ripped into the largest bag of flour you can buy, pasta, and other stuff.  The flour was not the regular one, the HUGE one. That is dough formed in Tashi’s under bite!”

I Wouldn’t Even Sleep With Myself!

The person who decided to place a mirror directly across from the shower was either blind or a body builder. How can I possibly be successful in my laws of attraction and positive thinking when I start every day seeing myself naked. Let me just say this — there isn’t enough steam in the world to cover up this mass of ass.

While on this subject I want to discuss something kind of personal. (Really Heather? What a shock!) I would like to discuss intimacy and being overweight. I’ve heard from several people both male and female who say they are hurt when their significant other doesn’t find them attractive when they are overweight. My response to them is this… DUH! I wouldn’t expect someone to want to sleep with me when I wouldn’t even sleep with myself.

Now that I am on this weightloss journey I really don’t want to sleep with myself. Between the tents that I’m wearing because my clothes are getting bigger, the smell of leafy greens seeping out of my sweat glands to the nasty breath I have from eating a lot more protein, it’s amazing that I can even say I have a boyfriend right now. 😉 BUT… I do have a boyfriend and as I continue each day he smiles and loves me for who I am. There is one thing I do know for sure, he is with me through the good, the bad and obviously… the ugly.

So don’t be hurt when your significant other finds you repulsive. Use that feeling to motivate you to keep going. We are all truly beautiful on the inside and out and need to love ourselves before others can love us. Alright everyone… group hug! 😉

Different City. Different View. Different Machines. Same Mission!

There was a saying in the movie “Eat Pray Love” that stayed with me. It was the following:

In the end, I’ve come to believe in something I call “The Physics of the Quest.” A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.

I have left behind all that is familiar to me and set out on an amazing journey where the canvass is blank. It’s been scary and challenging, but every day I’m learning more about myself and the possibilities to what I can achieve are endless.

So while I’m in a different city, using different machines and looking out at a different view, I’m still going after my weightloss goal. The woman asked if I wanted a trainer and I politely declined, because I have my trainer. Jeramy and Bob at Better Bodies have given me the tools that I needed to succeed. So as I am geographically in a different place for the moment, my heart is always with my Better Bodies family in Tucson. I’m excited to return home and to show them that their time and effort was not wasted on someone who didn’t believe, but instead achieved so much more than just weightloss but truly a life worth loving and living!

Stay tuned for more…

You Know You’re Fat When…

I noticed awhile back that I had cracked the plastic part of my drivers side seat before I started working out at Better Bodies… and it got me to think of Jeff Foxworthy. Then I started looking at other answers from people when asked: “You Know You’re Fat When” and thought I would post their answers along with mine here for your reading pleasure. Please e-mail me if you have one that you would like me to include. Enjoy!

1- You break your seat in your car

2- You get the sheets caught in your fat rolls when making the bed

3- Your waiter hands you your menu and you say “Okay”

4- You start sweating corn oil

5- You use a microwave as a beeper

6- The back of your neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

7- You have to use a mattress for a tampon