Eat Less Pie…No Matter How Shitty Life Gets!

It’s official, 2018 has been one of the most challenging years of my life.

There are people in the world who inspire us to do better and be better. Two of those people are Jeanette Jenkins and Octavia Spencer. Apparently chemo treatment number 3 is not working for my husband and we will start a 4th type of chemo next week.

Update: Chemo #4 has failed and now we are waiting to see what happens next. No matter how hard we get hit, we keep getting up! #ArmyStrong #teamoctaviaspencer

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Schooner or Later Being Fat Will Humiliate You

SORBYOCAs I have gained weight I wear yoga pants and long shirts and I make sure my girth is properly covered at all times. So it’s not often that I’m worried that someone will make a mean comment or launch an all out fat assault on me when I walk in the door to an establishment. I usually try to keep as far off the radar as possible, and it’s worked great… until today.

For lunch my husband and I decided to try a local restaurant that was featured on Diners, Drive-In’s and Dives. The place is called Schooner or Later in Long Beach, where apparently it’s the “in” place to be since the wait is often an hour or longer. When we arrived the wait was about twenty-five minutes so we sat in the shade overlooking the boats in the marina. Little did I know that as our name was called, much like Oprah has her “aha” moments, my “Kevin Smith” moment was about to happen. The host, who spoke very little English and hid his petite frame under his over-sized smokey pink sunglasses, showed us to our table. My husband took his seat and as I started to pull out my chair, the host said something in broken English about using the chair. I didn’t understand and I said, “Sure, you can absolutely use it!” He laughed and shook his head as he pointed to me, then back to the chair I was about to sit in, then back to me and then back to the chair one more time for good measure. He said, “You should use this chair, for heavy.” I thought to myself, “For heavy what?” Then it hit me like a swift kick from the Pillsbury doughboy himself… he meant me!

I looked at my husband and he said, “Really? Did that just happen?” I glanced down at the durable plastic chair that I was attempting to sit in then I looked at the metal framed chair that the host suggested I use. I stood there for a moment recalling how I had used the same exact durable plastic chair at a diner that we had previously eaten at. The legs didn’t snap off and I didn’t injure myself that time, so I would absolutely be able to use this chair as well. But I didn’t want to risk it. I didn’t want everyone sitting around us to have a show of the fat girl who busted out the legs on the undurable plastic chair and ended up face down on the deck with her club sandwich splattered all over the place.

So I slowly lowered myself into the metal chair and I wiggled around to see if I was too big for the metal frame. I had more than enough room but I still didn’t want to move. I couldn’t help but think of Kevin Smith on the Southwest Airlines flight. I thought WWKSD? (What Would Kevin Smith Do?) He would tweet the play by play of this moment with some awesome witty comments and his 2.7million followers would back him and spread the word. I slid my phone open to the Twitter icon and realized that my 600 followers wouldn’t give a crap about my issue and I would probably get a re-tweet from some spamming sex bot. Instead I ended up taking a picture of the chair and continued to sit in silence as my husband tried to talk with me.

After the meal was over I couldn’t help but look around at the people who were much larger than me, sitting in the plastic chairs. The 400lb woman next to us gave me the acknowledging “fatty glance” with a partial smile over her chocolate sundae she was gorging on. I smiled back at her with a hint of go f**k yourself. I guess my day had finally arrived where I was the blip or shall I say blimp on the radar and was quickly reminded that I still have a long way to go in my weight loss journey. One thing is for sure, I will be going back and I will sit in every durable plastic chair I can find. Hell, maybe even Kevin Smith and his crew will join me!

Life Is An Echo… What Does Yours Say?

Echo3Carrie Fisher once said, “If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.” I admit that while I may find it humorous and often times easy to make fun of myself whether it be my weight, or the stupid mistakes I have made over the years, I never really considered how it might make other people feel.

While researching this topic I found an interesting article titled, “Using Humor to Help Bolster Your Life”. The article discusses if you find humor in something, can you survive it? The answer is yes, because humor is a perception and perception is almost everything in stress. How you perceive a situation plays a large part in determining whether or not you will be stressed and – this is a very big and – determines the solutions you can see. Seeing things from a more light-hearted point of view flexes your perceptual muscles to facilitate seeing additional options. In this respect, humorous thinking is very similar to creative thinking. Seeing the humor in a challenging situation usually allows you to solve it more creatively. For more from the article and some examples of how humor/laughter can be one of the most coping strategies, click here.

Sometimes we forget how important our words and thoughts really are. I am living proof that positive thinking does in fact work. Sure, I have weight to lose and more times than not I find humor in it, but that doesn’t mean I am not grateful and don’t appreciate all of the blessings that are in my life. Appreciating humor fosters optimism by softening negative thoughts with positive ones. Plus, humor’s positive emotions lead to greater confidence therefore, more creative thinking and problem solving.

So at the end of the day I am building perceptual muscles, gaining confidence and solving problems. Thank goodness this humor stuff is fat free and low in calories, I just may need more! 😉

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Low Self-Esteem – The Gift That Keeps On Giving!

BeautifulMonkeyI learned a long time ago that words and actions can hurt you, but only if you allow them too.

Last night while having dinner with my husband, I asked him to take note of the time and date. He looked up from his empty dinner bowl and gave me a strange look. Smiling from ear to ear I said, “You finished dinner before me!” I couldn’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment. For the past several weeks, months, years… I have been trying to understand portion control. The theory of eating slowly and enjoying food was something I only read about. So this moment was special for me, knowing that I set out to achieve a goal and I had finally reached it. This moment lasted for approximately 2.8 seconds, when my wonderful husband opened his mouth and said, “Yeah, it’s the first time you didn’t shove food into your mouth like a ravenous water buffalo.”

He laughed and got up to help himself to a piece of double fudge chocolate cake which sat next to the seven, yes, SEVEN boxes of Girl Scout cookies on the counter. When he came back to the table, I couldn’t help but think if I were a heroine addict, would we leave it on the counter next to the cake or hide it in a cookie jar?

You may not believe this, but I have some self-esteem issues. (shocker!) I have talked to my counselor about it, I have read books and forums. One of the common things I read is to feel better about yourself, you need to dress better. I am the first to admit that I can’t dress myself. I don’t know how to apply makeup  without looking like a hooker in a boxing fight. I wear shoes that are two sizes too big and I can’t seem to get away from wearing my comfortable black slacks every day. But I try. While I may not always get it right, and I may look like an over sized ball of wool with shoes that could house a small village, I do try. So I snuggled into my chair and surfed Pinterest for new hair styles and fashion advice.

Sure, the past haunts me and the words that are said do hurt. But I know deep down with the help of Google search, Pinterest and various blogs from people who have changed their life, I am well on my way to a slimmer, well dressed, fulfilled me. Now if I could just untangle the curling iron from my hair without burning my face off, I’d be set!

Doubt Fuels Anger, Anger Generates Motivation And Motivation Provides Results

It’s easy for people to doubt you. People doubted Bob Siudak and look what he was able to accomplish.

Sure, I have doubted myself and we all know what that got me.

Now I am in a place where I trust what I have known all along. I’m able to focus and dedicate my time and that is exciting. When I get excited I share it with the people around me. The only down side is that some of those people doubt I will actually accomplish my goals. I guess that is only natural since I’ve started and stopped so many times.

So doubt on, people! Doubt on! As I have always said, “The doubt fuels the anger and anger generates motivation and the motivation provides results.”