I learned a long time ago that words and actions can hurt you, but only if you allow them too.
Last night while having dinner with my husband, I asked him to take note of the time and date. He looked up from his empty dinner bowl and gave me a strange look. Smiling from ear to ear I said, “You finished dinner before me!” I couldn’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment. For the past several weeks, months, years… I have been trying to understand portion control. The theory of eating slowly and enjoying food was something I only read about. So this moment was special for me, knowing that I set out to achieve a goal and I had finally reached it. This moment lasted for approximately 2.8 seconds, when my wonderful husband opened his mouth and said, “Yeah, it’s the first time you didn’t shove food into your mouth like a ravenous water buffalo.”
He laughed and got up to help himself to a piece of double fudge chocolate cake which sat next to the seven, yes, SEVEN boxes of Girl Scout cookies on the counter. When he came back to the table, I couldn’t help but think if I were a heroine addict, would we leave it on the counter next to the cake or hide it in a cookie jar?
You may not believe this, but I have some self-esteem issues. (shocker!) I have talked to my counselor about it, I have read books and forums. One of the common things I read is to feel better about yourself, you need to dress better. I am the first to admit that I can’t dress myself. I don’t know how to apply makeup without looking like a hooker in a boxing fight. I wear shoes that are two sizes too big and I can’t seem to get away from wearing my comfortable black slacks every day. But I try. While I may not always get it right, and I may look like an over sized ball of wool with shoes that could house a small village, I do try. So I snuggled into my chair and surfed Pinterest for new hair styles and fashion advice.
Sure, the past haunts me and the words that are said do hurt. But I know deep down with the help of Google search, Pinterest and various blogs from people who have changed their life, I am well on my way to a slimmer, well dressed, fulfilled me. Now if I could just untangle the curling iron from my hair without burning my face off, I’d be set!