A Change For Oscar’s Eye Candy

Dear Seth MacFarlane, Craig Zadan, Neil Meron, and anyone else who has a minute:

You’re probably wondering who this overweight, obviously bored, woman is with way too much time on her hands? Well, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Heather Robinson. I’m a military wife, a lover of Tweenkie’s and I do indeed have way too much time on my hands. For the past several weeks I have been spending my time at the Madigan Army Hospital as my husband has been recovering from having a brain tumor (Acoustic Neuroma) removed from his head.

The entire process has been a blessing and a curse. The blessing is the fact that he is doing well and learning to walk and write again. The curse, way too much time to think about random things — hence this open letter to you. So without wasting MORE of your time, I will get to the reason I am up at 3:45am on a Saturday writing this.

My husband (Gary) and I were watching the Golden Globes and it was painfully obvious to see our two worlds collide. Me, the screenwriter with little success in the industry and him, an active duty military soldier who watched just because he had a crush on Jodie Foster.

As we were watching and I use the word “we” loosely, I couldn’t help but notice the beautiful women who stood to the side while the winners receive their award. I want to use the word escort, but that seems so… inappropriate. So the escorts are beautiful. If I had a body like that, I would offer to escort as well. Right now I couldn’t even escort the Westminster Dog Show. But I digress…so I started to think about these women who stand in the background. Maybe there is a reason they are standing there and a Google search has yet to provide the answer. (Maybe you can answer this for me?)

Anyhow, I was hoping that with sharing, liking, blogging, twittering, Facebooking, and everything else social media related, I could send this virtual letter out into Al Gore’s world wide web and make a simple request.

Would it be possible to have our men and women, young and old, beautiful and Heather, who serve or have served in our military, stand to the side and walk the celebrities off stage for the 85th Academy Awards airing February 24, 2013 on ABC? (You didn’t think I was going to write this letter and NOT plug the show did you? I may be fat, but I’m not stupid.) Maybe mix it up a little and have school teachers, first responders, people who make a huge difference in our world but get little recognition.

I do understand that you’re busy and with that I don’t expect to hear back from you. I just thought that maybe someway this simple suggestion could virtually make its way to you while you’re brainstorming for the show.

Thank you so much for your time.

Respectfully,

Heather Robinson

Gary & Heather Wedding Day (10 days before surgery)

Gary & Heather Wedding Day                (10 days before surgery)

The Destruction Of An F-Bomb

ImageI was in a meeting yesterday and someone asked me, “Heather when I say F-Bomb what do you think of?”

Really lady? You obviously have no idea who you’re talking too here.

I looked up in panic — All I could think of was Dave Chappelle, Derek and Clive, Lisa Lampanelli, and Snoop Dogg, not to mention all of the celebrity roasts I’ve watched!

Did I develop some kind of super power where my thoughts were being transmitted to everyone in the room? Was this some sort of trap? How do I answer this? As I started to take a breath she said, “FEAR!”

FEAR? Yeah! That’s the “other” four letter word I was thinking of. NOT! (Do people say “not” after sarcastic statements anymore?) Anyhow, we were talking about fear and how it can destroy people and literally paralyze them. As she was talking I couldn’t help but ask myself what was I afraid of? Why does the thought of losing weight literally terrify me? Is it the thought of failing?

I went back to my desk and I Google searched different ways to face my fear. I found several sites that said, Step 1: Face your fear. (uh… okay) Step 2: Overcome your fear. WTF?? (What The Fear!) You can’t just look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I am afraid of failing.” Then progress on to step 2. Where is the work, people!?

Then I came across this: 33 Powerful Ways of Overcoming Fear Right Now.

“Overcoming fear is a skill that anyone can learn. The problem is that most people cling to their fears, because it’s part of who they are. If you aren’t ready to start overcoming fear, you probably won’t. And there’s nothing wrong in that. Everything happens in its own time. If you’re reading this article though, I’m pretty sure that you’re ready to take another step forward. You searched for this information, or you bumped into it, which isn’t just a coincidence.”

Yes, I searched for the information and I am so glad I did. I am ready to face my fears and I have endured so much pain because of it. I acknowledge it and I’m ready to release it! F.E.A.R (Face, Endure, Acknowledge, Release)

Who Needs Jenny Craig When You Have Al Roker?

AlRokerIt’s been a rough few months… I’ll admit it. Have I been hitting the gym? No.

Have I been eating like “Manny” the Wooly Mammoth from Ice Age? Yes.

Today I met someone for lunch and while we both ordered salads we both got the chocolate brownie to go. I’m sitting at my desk, eating and reading the news. After finishing my salad, I could see my brownie perched on the little shelf in front of my computer monitor. My lips started to twitch and my tongue was salivating at the thought of taking the first delicious calorie infested bite.

As I slowly brought the forkful of brownie to my lips, my eyes caught the news story listed on Huffington Post: Al Roker: ‘I Pooped My Pants’ (VIDEO)

Really? The nutritional Gods were looking down upon me thinking, “HA HA HA Lardy! We got you now!!” Sigh. I slowly chewed the brownie and quickly clicked off the story. Don’t worry my dear friends… I ate every single bite of my brownie and loved it!

Take that Al Roker… TAKE THAT!