If Family Were A Cooking Tool, It Would Be A Meat Mallet

One of the benefits of having a friend who knows how to cook is not only the awesome food they need you to taste, but the information you learn along the way. Case in point, my friend Casandra. Casandra is a Chef, or was a Chef. Okay, so she graduated Chef school and is one of the best people I know. Over the years when she was going through school she would call me up and we would talk about life, jobs, boyfriends, family and other random things that we were experiencing. She would often teach me things that I had no use in knowing but found enlightening, especially for this blog.

One margarita filled evening; we were discussing her cooking tools and the use of the meat mallet. Just the term “meat mallet” made us giggle like little kids and was fuel for the perverted bon fire. As she continued to explain in detail how the meat mallet was an instrument used for beating and driving wedges while striking with force repeatedly, I couldn’t help but think it sounded a lot like family.

We both laughed at the irony and shared our own stories of being “tenderized” due to the meat mallets that were in our lives. Keyword being, “were”.

Even though some of my family may not be blood related, we treat each other with respect, kindness and courtesy. When we have issues we talk it through like adults. We don’t play the silent treatment game and we certainly don’t hang up on each other. We don’t blame each other for miscommunication and we allow the other person the opportunity to stand up for themselves. When all of that is done, we FORGIVE each other and if needed, allow the other person to be wrong. I have the best family in the world, because we fight to stay in each other’s life. Only the tough remain… unconditionally.

To the people who have removed me from their life, thank you! I now share my time, money and love on those who truly deserve it and appreciate it. 😉

5 Ways To Bruise Your Ego (and your thighs) When You’re Overweight

As if being overweight isn’t already a bruise to your ego, I have had the privilege of experiencing some interesting challenges over the years. While I have gained weight and lost weight many times over, it has become even more clear that life changes when you’re overweight. No, I’m not talking about the size of your jeans or your relationship status. I’m talking about the every day common things that a lot of people take for granted.

Over the past few months I have made a note of the things that have bruised my ego (and my thighs) and left me wondering if other people are experiencing these moments as well?

While some people have a “Bucket List” I have a “Lard List”.Here are the 5 situations that have taught me a very valuable lesson:

  1. The seats at a baseball stadium are not made for the overly round. You would be smart to leave your catchers mitt at home and bring along a can of PAM. Sitting in a row that is filled to capacity can make it hard for the kid next to you to eat a weenier. I had no idea that I would have to become a contortionist just to watch a game between the Mariner’s and Red Sox. I can’t wait to go back and sit comfortably without bruises on my thighs from the seats.
  2. It never would have crossed my mind that I would be too large to test drive a car. But I have now checked that off the ol’ “Lard List.” My boyfriend decided to test drive a replica of a 1957 Porsche 356 Speedster. When we stepped into the garage I knew I was in trouble when the passenger seat was smaller than my cankles. If that wasn’t enough topping on the proverbial cake, I was met with the task of hooking the seat belt around my thighs.
  3. As previously discussed in my post “Shopping For Life Vests Is A Fat Persons Nightmare”, a life vest can and will humiliate you. The pressure of squeezing my volume into a float-able corset was not my idea of a good time. I’ve learned a lot about motors and getting a boat “on plane”.
  4. Go Kart racing is something I visited, briefly! However, there was a weight restriction and the fact that if I were to get in a go kart, sparks would shoot out the side and my butt would have road rash from dragging behind the kart.
  5. When I got my scooter I was told that someone who is overweight could potentially bend the metal frame of the scooter. So once you have found the jacket in your size, a helmet that fits appropriately, and receive your license, you may end up as a metal pretzel before you even leave your driveway.

If Heaven Exists, Steve Jobs and My Grandma Just Played A Prank On Us!

You may be wondering what does Steve Jobs have to do with my Grandma Trudy? Well, I will explain and show you the picture.

To give you a little background, my Grandma was not the most technical person in the world. She had a Jitterbug phone which she operated with ease (you flip it up to answer, you flip it down to hang up) and would carry it with her everywhere. The remote control to her television was constantly “playing tricks” on her so she would leave the television on one channel just to prove that she was in charge!

Grandma knew that we had our iPhones and she would be amazed how we could play music, movies and games in that “little box”. A few days after my Grandma passed away, my Mom and I were together. When we checked the temperature on her iPhone 4, the weather information that is generated by GPS showed “Gertrude” as the location. We both couldn’t believe it and immediately thought to capture a screen shot. Which is what you see to the left. We hit refresh several times and it stayed the same. We finally shut the phone off and turned it back on. When we hit the weather app, it gave us the correct current location.

It hasn’t happened anymore. She was listed as “Mom” in the phone not Gertrude.  There were no Gertrude cities, streets or businesses where we were. We have been looking for an explanation of how that could have shown up.

So, if any of you Apple folks out there have any thoughts about this or could shed some light on this experience, it would make for an interesting discussion. In the meantime, we will just think it was her way of saying “Who has the Apple iPhone now?!!?” I wonder if she can bump in to the Powerball machine inventor?!

Bumps In The Road

I took this picture in Steilacoom, Washington a few nights ago and wanted to share it with you.

I was trying to get the flower with the sunset at just the right angle. I didn’t even notice the “bump” in the road. Isn’t that how life is? We’re focused on so many other things that we forget to slow down and enjoy the beauty around us. (Hence my lame attempt at the quote.) 😉