Silly Fatty, Meals Are For Kids!

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is eating smaller and slower! Smaller portions and taking the time to taste the food not “inhale” it as my Mom would often say. I have to admit that I thought a “normal” portion was the perfect amount of food…for a family of ten!

So I started ordering from the kids menu – where the portions are smaller and the price is a little cheaper.  When I would order off the adult menu,  I would guilt myself into eating the entire meal, because let’s face it — there are children in Africa who are going hungry. So on behalf of all of the starving people in the world, I was eating for you!! You’re welcome!

Now as I start to wrap my head around this mental process I’m taking back the power and removing the risk. They say a typical portion is the size of your paw. Well, that’s terrific but who are the people conducting these tests? I mean if you had a 6’5 person chances are their portion would be larger than the girl who is 5’1. Just sayin. So my portions are the size of MY hand. I certainly don’t get out a ruler and measure each area of my plate. I just guess and hope for the best! Who says size matters?! (Don’t worry guys, the ruler has been put away.)

Anyhow, if you have man hands or little baby paws here is a chart that might help you out when you’re trying to guess how much slop you should be eating. Enjoy!

The Fat Gods Continue To Bitch Slap Me!

There are many obstacles we face in life. I’m not going to sit here and spout out some intellectual crap about life, love and happiness. (I’ve done enough of that already) However, everyday I still battle the “Fat Devil” and the “Thin Angel” that sit on my shoulder. One is telling me to embrace the lard while the other is telling me to feel the burn in my thighs.

So I set off on one of my walks and just as I start making excuses as to why I should just turn around and go home, I looked down the path in front of me and saw a shiny silver object in the distance. I had just watched Pawn Stars the night before when a guy turned in over 200lbs of silver and walked away with $111,000 . Maybe this was my treasure that I would find, sell and have enough money in the bank to retire on.

As I got closer the sun was catching the silver, almost blinding me. I wiped the sweat from my eyes and looked closer to find …

That’s right… a frickin Tootsie Roll wrapper. I started to laugh thinking that the fat girl is picking up the candy wrapper, not leaving it! I shoved it in my pocket and went a few steps further where there was an enormous pile of wrappers in a bush. I picked up the wrappers and put them in my pocket as well. I was proud knowing that for the first time I had Tootsie Roll wrappers in my pocket, and they weren’t even  mine. 🙂

When I got home and placed the wrappers in the trash my boyfriend didn’t know about my little adventure. After dinner he threw his trash away and yelled to me from the kitchen, “Hey hon, would you like a Tootsie Roll for dessert?” Sigh.

Damn you Fat Devil. Damn you!!!!