What is your personal truth?
Dr Phil (you either love him or hate him) said that our lives are like a slate that other people write things on like our parents, teachers and other pivotal people in our lives; these things are not necessarily true but we believe them and feel shame and what is worse we begin to write those same things on our slate and then this becomes our personal truth. As a result we may feel unlovable or unworthy and worse.
I was curious to know what my personal truth is and more importantly, how do I heal the hurt? I found several websites that discussed this and combined the information that I found here.
The first step in the healing process is to find, as specifically as possible, what the hurt is. Here are some questions that one website asked: How was the relationship with your parents? Make a list of all your major upsets, What are your fears? What are you driven towards? What are the areas of your life that don’t work? What do you resist in your parents? Has rejection or abandonment been an issue for you?
When I look at my list of major upsets in my life, I realized that at the age of 5, I was put in a situation where not only did I have to listen and trust in my gut instinct, but I had to remain calm in a situation where one wrong move could have had me raped or even killed. I had never seen this man before, so it wasn’t a case of being taken by someone I knew. I can remember that incident like it was yesterday and it makes sense now why people always thought I was an “old soul”. I believe that by being put in that specific situation, a five year old little girl quickly became an adult. I was terrified of men and emotionally scarred for a long time. I felt ashamed for what had happened because I knew what he did was wrong. I just didn’t understand exactly why it was wrong.
The next step was to look over a list of common core issues to find the hurt that runs my life. http://www.masteryoflife.com/coreissues-common.shtml
After looking at the list in the link above, one of the words that jumped out at me was “undesirable”. Don’t get me wrong, there are many other words in those lists that made me feel something, but “undesirable” was the trigger. All of these years I thought that as long as I was undesirable, no one could ever love me. And as long as no one could love me, I would never be hurt. Without knowing, I created a core issue that would then sabotage the rest of my life.
The hurt is like a monster we run from. But the monster never causes us any harm because the monster doesn’t exist in reality, it only exists in our mind. All of the harm is caused by the things we do to avoid facing the monster. It’s the fighting, resisting, hanging on, and withdrawing that sabotages our lives. To have the monster lose power, do the opposite of what gives it power. Instead of fighting it and running from it, own and embrace it. Once you face the monster, you realize that the monster is an illusion and instead of the monster having power over you, you have power over the monster.